| PG is carpe diem-ing |
I have decided to take control. I'm tired of looking in the mirror and hating what I see. I don't just mean physically (although that is a part of it), I mean the person the I have become. I feel weak and stupid and worthless so much of the time, but you know what? I quit SI and that was so hard. Its hard everyday, but I go on and it may not sound like a lot to you, but its the hardest thing I've had to do. It was damn hard and it took every fibre of strength I had had to throw out those blades and just stop. Believe it or not, the hardest part is talking about it. For the longest time I felt like it wasn't really me doing all these things, but I started to accept responsibility for my actions and I was able to change my habits. I figure if I can quit that, if I have the strength to toss out all my comforts and start anew, I can do anything. I've decided to take control of my life and become the person that I want to be. Screw low self-esteem, where has it gotten me? Nowhere, thats where. Starting today you're going to see a new Sarah. I'm going to be who I know I should be, who I know I can be if I just set my mind to it. Here is me setting my mind to it. Here that, self-loathing? I don't need you anymore. you're gone. I'm not saying that I won't be sad or angry ever, the difference is that I won't bottle up my emotions to the point where I explode. I will express them and allow myself to feel what I feel and I will not force myself to feel what I don't. I will take a positive outlook. Life is what you make it. I could sit here and wallow in self-pity, but what good will it do me? It won't solve any of the things that I'm complaining about. The only thing that will solve them is action.
Be the change you want to see in the world. ~PenguinGirl is carpe diem-ing |
