| PG frets and furrows |
I don't really know what to say. I'm so tired. I'm doing all I can to keep away the thoughts of school starting again. I don't know if I can take the report cards again. I can't even imagine going through the rest of high school and then university. I started to look at universities the other day and as I got looking at the courses they offered, I realized how little planning I've done for the future. I thought I had it all figured out, but I don't have any idea what I want to do with my life. I know what I really want, but I can't imagine my father would be very happy and, truth be told, I don't know how likely my dreams are to come true. Well, actually I do know how likely they are to come true and thats what really scares me. I try to find a career that I think will be more pleasing and stable, but it just feels like settling. Honestley, anything respectable and stable just sounds duller than watching paint dry. I need more than just graduating university, getting a good job, getting married, moving to the suburbs, raising a family and living for a promotion that may or not come and going to school plays and PTA meetings. Theres nothing that scares me more than that life. Still, I know that that life is probably the one that my family wants for me, its the one that will keep food on the table. Despite this knowledge, I can't help feeling that I need more. I don't know what I'm going to do. I always thought I had a lot of time to figure it out, but the time to decide creeps ever closer. I have to decide my courses for next year soon and after that it will be the next year and after (or possibly before) that it will deciding on uniersities and majors and minors and then, oh god, careers. Well, I'm going to enjoy my carefree days as long as I can. I don't want to look back on my teen years and regret not taking advantage of the freedom and fun.
Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men. ~PenguinGirl frets and furrows |
