| PG and her high school rant |
Yearbooks came out today. Its something that I should be happy about, I guess. I'm not, though. It killed me that I couldn't even ask the three people that contributed most to my grade 9 year to sign mine. I wanted to sign theirs, but I knew it would hav ebeen weird to ask. I thought of what I would say. I thought of what I would put in Bernice's too. I hate yearbooks. Its all well and good when you have friends, but when you're like me its just a reminder of how alone you are. The autograph pages are filled with messages from people I barely know and memories that were never real. Yeah, I have signatures, but its all "have a great summer", "you're so cool" and "your hair is awesome". Theres nothing real. The truth is they couldn't care less how my summer is. They don't know me at all, if they did they would know that I am most definitley not cool. They only know me as the girl with the hair, they know nothing of the person inside. Lets face it, if they did there would be no signatures in my yearbook. They don't see who I really am though, they see the carefully crafted character that I have created. They buy the illusion. So, there are plenty of signatures in my yearbook, but not the three I really want and care about. I would give up all the other signatures for just those three. I am never going to get it, though. Yearbooks aren't real. They don't accurately portray school. Sure, they have the special music, dance and drama nights. They have the school dances, they have all that school function stuff, but what they don't capture are the really important moments. They don't capture the rumors, the gossip, the backstabbing, the jealousy, the first kisses, the first boyfriends, friendships forming, friendships falling apart, the pain, the happiness. They don't capture high school. They are a vauge frame of what high school is, a building that teaches and provides various other extra-curricular activites. Thats not high school. There is no way anyone could possibly capture what high school really is, for some a glorious moment that will always be known as the best years of their lives, for others a tragic and arguous time that will always hold a special place in their hearts as "that urine-soaked hell hole where I spent the worst years of my life". Some won't make it through high school, for various reasons. High school is only makes up four years of our lives, but they tend to shape people the most. They are alwyas looked back on. If you live to be 100 years old then they will have only made up 4% of your life, so why are we so obessed with high school? Before you get there you are always longing to get there, once you're in you want to get out and once you're out you wish you could go back. Thats fucked up.
I was going to write what I would have written in everyone's yearbook, but I only have 20 minutes left and I can't possibly write what i want to in that amount of time. Perhaps I will do it tomorrow. When you're drowning, you don't say "I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me," you just scream. ~PenguinGirl and her high school rant |
