12:55 a.m. - 2016-09-22
update
Well it's been eight years since I wrote one of these but why not? It was the time in my life when writing was the easiest for me. I used to sit at the computer all night writing what I considered the most insightful, poignant posts. Now that I re-read them I am glad I wrote so much down from that time in my life. While they are completely embarrassing and terrible they are also hilarious and were the source of many chuckles at myself. Or perhaps my former self. I was 17 when I made my last entry on here. Now I am 25.
It's so easy to forget our own accomplishments just because they happen over a long period of time. Personal growth is not something you can win all at once. It happens every day. We make a choice here and there. We decide how to deal with what life throws our way. We don't recognize the minute changes to our character, but looking back at who I was and comparing that to who I have become, I have to say I am proud of myself. I may not have climbed mount everest or become a Hollywood star, but I have learned to take care of myself. I have learned to forgive my mother and we are both trying to heal our relationship. I have gone through heartbreak, break ups, breakdowns, and even tried break dancing. (That last one isn't true, but I really wish it was). I've worked about 9 or 10 different jobs. I've been to two post-secondary institutions (dropped-out of one, and didn't technically graduate from the other, but it's the knowledge that counts here people). I have managed a cake shop (lol) and now I work at a vet office where I kiss animals all day. Also I have to answer the phones and help clients and occasionally wipe a surface, but that's secondary to the animal smooching.
When I wrote all the ridiculous posts on here that I took so very seriously at the time, I never thought I would ever be loved, or be capable of love. I never have any confidence in myself or the way I looked. I cared desperately what others thought of me. I was consumed by depression and fear and self-doubt.
And despite all the crappy things that have happened and despite all the crappy things that life continues to churn out, I have survived! And what's more I have been in a happy, steady relationship for three years and I now have my very own dog who looks more like a very large rat, but actually he is a dog. I have the papers to prove it. I have grappled with my insecurities and although I have a long way to go, I definitely would say that I love myself overall. Ok, love is a bit strong, but you see what I'm trying to say.
In the next eight years, I want to have produced something of great creative expression. Whatever that means. Novel, play, screenplay, a really nice pizza pie - who knows where the next eight years will take me.
This post is cheesy, but I'm glad I wrote it because I actually loosened up and had fun writing again. Who cares - no one is gonna ready this anyways. I have to go to sleep now because I am an adult with a job to go to in the morning.
